Rong Dong

Koreans poured into the streets chanting “Rong Dong Un” “Rong Dong Un” after the results of the most recent Fat Guy Stubby Penis contest were announced. The competition, organized and conducted in the interest of keeping the world from descending into nuclear war, pitted the world’s two great blabber-mouths against each other.

After constant threats and worrisome banter between the two, Agent Orange Trump and the newly monickered Kim Jong Un, about who had the bigger nuclear button, it was suggested by cooler heads in the interest of saving the planet, that instead of button comparison we should match the leaders genital prowess. At first hesitant, Dandy Don then saw it as an opportunity to reestablish the machismo that he had so dominantly and unquestionably enjoyed in his Soho 90’s.

Remembering the frail and diminutive stature of the Chinese guys in the military school showers, Don was sure that an easy victory was at hand. Ignoring his white, non-African, Aryan lineage, he crowed, “This should be a slam dunk and it will easily boost my approval ratings,” he thought, especially from the bleached blonde sector of white women who had so overwhelmingly voted for him. Any semblance of doubt waned as the day neared.

On the other side of the curtain Jong Un was equally as confidant. You see he descends form a certain geographical Korean region where race mixing occurred during past migrations giving Kim stature not generally assigned to normal Oriental Koreans. No one exactly knows who snuck inside the boundaries or from where but the result was that certain Korean men had aberrant stature.

Some speculated that slave ships had recessed in Korean ports during the migration.

Anyway, the stage was set, each contestant fantasizing about how their hard earned victory would feel; Trump with the proud and dominant Aryan genetic footprint and Un with the little known ancestral secret genes.

As the contest neared most weren’t expecting any surprises and a rather mundane and ho-hum result, knowing that fat guys lost length as their girth advanced. “Stubs,” as they were so cruelly referred to in gym class.

Contest day was here and from different directions, both Un and Don brashly strode across the stage garbed only in their confidence and robes. The judge reviewed the contest rules with each contestant; on the count of three flash open the robe, no pre-contest stimulation and certainly no extensions.

“One, two, three,” the judge barked as the competitors, each enrapt in their own assuredness, ripped away the belts and bared their equipment. In a cocky gesture, Don started to raise his arms in victory, sure that he had outclassed the Korean.

Don abruptly stopped, taking note of the gasps, pants and finger pointing directed at Un from the mostly female crowd and looked down and over at the triumphant Un. After a slight hesitation, Don grabbed his robe, masked his defeated and unworthy appendage and raced off the stage baring his buttox to the crowd. Un stood triumphantly, raising both arms and flexing his biceps, a testimonial tattoo of his bare breasted high school sweetheart expanded with his inflated posture.

It was over, but the world was safe. “Rong rive the supreme leader, Rong Dong Un” they cried.

Sean Brennan

                A Reply to Heather Wilhelm        2/10/17

The Irish Navy

The progression of the female plight will not come at the expense of the male cause, rather, in spite of it.  Constantine and Augustine who distorted the yin and yang in the name of Christianity perpetrated this one. After centuries of disadvantage, women who couldn’t vote, couldn’t own property, couldn’t control their own reproductive cycles, couldn’t earn the same, just to name a few have emerged to fight for a level playing field. Sad that you try to denigrate by pigeon holing their status as left leaning, well-off. However do you know? Sad that you think their strategies are at the expense of boys and men. Sad that you imply that female progression implies male regression.

The goal is to catch-up, equate and parallel by using their commonality and mass. Understandably this may require a bit of hyperbole, you know, “Future is female”, “Dream big Princess,” slogans that energize and motivate. Are you really that offended?  The dearth of female Astronauts, Presidents and Celebrity Chefs exhibit the need, define the cause.

Interesting, that you see the feminist conference rooms, the inspiring cartoons, the identity politics as a threat to your own beliefs instead of as a tactic for your sisters’ success. Interesting, that you seemingly scorn their every intent. Women don’t want equality at the expense of men or any other group. They want it because it’s rightfully theirs and has been withheld for too long. That includes choice and privacy, rights elucidated by the constitution and exercisable by ALL women.

Sean D. Brennan, Long Beach, In.

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